Dream Big!

When I was little I was confident that when I got older I would have 4 kids. 2 girls and 2 boys. It has always been one of one of my dreams to be a mother. After Scott and I had been married a year we decided we would start our family. It sounded so easy at the time, but as six months passed and then a year passed I started to get a little worried. I started googling infertility and experts say that after a year of trying you are classified as being infertile and you should see an infertility specialist. That scared me, but I decided not to lose hope! I visited a doctor and had lots of tests done only to find out there seemed to be nothing wrong with me. They advised me to have Scott tested and his test came back fine too. So we decided we would keep trying ovulation predictor tests and I starting learning more about how my cycle worked. I soon became a baby-making expert but had nothing to show for it... Infertility is a very emotional roller-coaster. Having a family is something I have always planned for and dreamed about my whole life. With every friend that got pregnant, I began realizing more and more that something was wrong with us. Friends would ask me so when are you guys going to start having kids? I would just say "When Heavenly Father decides we are ready for one." But wondering if we would ever be ready for one. I started making goals for us. My first goal was to get a new job that offered good insurance so we could afford a baby. I got a new job and still nothing. Then I set another goal to paint and carpet our house and fix it up so it was baby ready and then maybe I would get pregnant. Still nothing. Scott was ready for a new job and began looking around for something that was little better for us. So I thought for sure that this was it. Scott just needs to find a new job that he loves and we'll be making a little more money to be ready for a baby. Scott got a new job, but still nothing. I was so emotional and kept asking why me? Why can't I have a baby? I had friends that were pregnant with their third child and I wasn't able to get pregnant with one. I had a breaking point when Scott told me that his two brother's wives were both expecting babies. This was really hard for me. I kept telling myself, I may not have a baby but I have an amazing, hard-working, loving husband that is always there for me. I am so blessed! We have wonderful families and a place to call home! It's hard to stay optimistic when you feel so lost though and so unsure what to do next. Sometimes life is hard to understand and trials can seem like a dark tunnel that will never end. Scott's mom knew of our struggle and had heard on the T.V. about an infertility specialist that was offering free seminars. We decided we would go. It was a breath of fresh air to know what to do next and talk to someone that specialized in infertility. The first of 2013 we went to this new doctor. He did more tests on me and decided Scott better have another semen analysis done. Everything looked good for me. The doctor told me I had enough eggs to populate a small village! I was at work when they called me with Scott's results. The nurse told me everything looked great! His counts were high, good motility everything looked fine except for one thing the sperm morphology count. DEFINITION: Sperm morphology — when size and shape of sperm are not normal. These defects may affect the ability of the sperm to reach and penetrate an egg. The nurse told us when this number is low, the only option is going to be In-vitro fertilization. I was hoping it would never come to this. The very last step in Infertility treatments, the most expensive of them all. My heart sunk. I started tearing up at work and had to hold it together until I got home. My fears had all come true. We would never be like the other couples. I felt so alone. This is not something that we had planned for. Scott being the optimistic and loving husband he is, said Stacy WE will have a baby!! I will work really hard and we will have a baby. We went and talked to the doctor a month later and the doctor said he had good and bad news. The bad news was that we have 1-2% chance of having a baby on our own. The good news is that we were perfect candidates for IVF. We set up an appointment to talk to someone in the billing department and she sat us down and went over exactly how much we need to plan to spend. The very basic cycle is $15,000, which is not covered by insurance. $15,000 to get pregnant was a lot to take in. It's hard not to become discouraged from this. IVF not only entails a lot of money- but time, energy, and can be emotionally straining. But we have decided will not lose hope!!! My mom showed me this quote by Elder Richard G. Scott that reads: "Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain." This process will not be easy but we have a big dream!